Remember to look back at how far you’ve come

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A picture of Hope Bullen with her Grandparents when she was a toddler. She has curly dark blonde hair, and they are all wearing orange. Her Grandad has dark hair and is greying at the front, her Nan has brunette hair, they are sitting in a conservatory.

You’ve come so far and you don’t even realise it

Being tenacious isn’t easy, you’ll get struck down more times than picked up, but the feeling after it pays off, is oh so sweet.

2020 (blooming heck that feels like yonks ago)

Let’s go back to 2020. We were ordered to stay indoors, something I’m sure none of us could have ever imagined happening, in fact, some days it feels like a weird ol’ universal dream. 2020 Hope was left feeling lost, stumbling on through life, and actually pretty darn anxious about everything (and I know I wasn’t alone). Going near people, going to the shops, staying away from nan and grandad so they didn’t get any germs, not cleaning ever surface in sight just in case it had got infected with covid somehow. I didn’t want to see anyone incase we were contaminating each other. I didn’t know when I would stop holding my breath when I walked past another human.

2018 (post-university)

Let’s go back a little bit before the COVID bomb hit us. 2018 at uni when I did a presentation in a group to 3 people. I felt myself sweating, my hands couldn’t stop jigging around with nerves like I’d done 6 shots of espresso in a row, I couldn’t get my words out without stuttering.

Primary School

And finally, let’s take a journey even further back to when I first started school. Friends would invite me over to their house, and I’d be too anxious to go by myself, so my glorious little Nan would come along with me. She’d come with me to play dates, parties, golf tournaments etc. But drew a line through sleepovers, just in case you were wondering.

A tip for Nervy Days

Aka past Hope was a nervy wreck. That’s not to say I’m not a nervy wreck now, but there are things I am able to do today, that she would be “heck no” about back then. Things she wouldn’t even want to do. I wake up in the morning knowing there are things in the day ahead that put me out of my comfort zone, and my stomach is doing cartwheels. But I say to myself “in a days time, I won’t be nervous and it will be over” and I’ll do this throughout the day as I get closer to the event, “in an hours time I won’t be nervous and it will be over”. It acts as a reminder to enjoy the moment, because soon it will be over and I will be like “wow, I really did it”.

You Have Grown

You may not think you have grown, but trust me, you’ll look back and realise you have. The itty bitty steps you’ve been taking, have gotten you so far. There will be days where you can’t make any steps forward at all, and there will be days where you take leaps, but believe me, we’re all moving forward, and like seconds and minutes, we don’t realise it until we look back.

Be proud of yourself, give yourself a mighty pat on the back and trust the process. If you’re putting the work in – no matter how slow the progress – you’ll get to where you want to be.

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